Ephisus

I broke down.

I used to be so principled, thinking that youtube was for losers, and vimeo was for real filmmakers.

Well, no more.

Check out the new venue:

www.youtube.com/ephisus

I'm sure many have done it.

Flipping randomly though an old journal-ish, thing... really something that was used as general scrap... I scribbled some thoughts about my Father, and his apparent unfavorable beholding of my contemporaneous relationship, a bit later, notes on my novel, which has since been turned into a screenplay.... Notes from Myst III gameplay.... various other attempts to lose myself then.

And then I came upon an entry which was not written by me, but someone else.

I tore it out, and layed it in front of me, to decide whether or not I should discard it.

I was pondering it, whilst I surveyed the half ruffled fresh tear from the bindings, in strark contrast against the otherwise crisp sheet, stiff enough to cut me, with bold cursive writing across it as if it was written the day before yesterday.

It continues to sit in limbo.

This week, my soul has bleed.

The 5th and 6th marked 3 years since I started dating my ex fianse'. (yes, we had two days.)

Our would be third aniversary.  hmph.

Right now...  all of the hurt, all of the betrayal that I've felt in the past isn't present, and I just miss her.

Attempts to meet with her have met with failure.

Oh well.  Back to work.

My cat vomitted into my shoe today.

Let your fountain be blessed,
        And rejoice with the wife of your youth.
As a loving deer and a graceful doe,
        Let her breasts satisfy you at all times;
        And always be enraptured with her love.

Proverbs 5:18-19


I just... Geez.  Our society has things so backwards.  

"The wife of my Youth".

Yeah... The hormones are definately here.  The drive is definately here.  

No wife.

As per... thousands of years ago, I'm like... a middle aged man, unmarried, and not rejoicing in my wife, that I don't have, youthful or otherwise...

And it's all because of society.  People aren't getting married at my age, porque, for one, our society doesn't equip people to be married at this age, and secondario, Many are having sex with random people, not willing to settle down, afraid of commitment, or some other stupid crap like that.

I don't see why young Christians aren't up in arms about thi-  Oh, right.  Most of them are having sex anyway.

Perfect.

Where does that leave me?... on the dangerous plank between immorality and Sexual Martyrdom.

Fan-tastic.